How do you SEXplore when parts of your body don’t function? Imagine you can’t move your legs or your fingers. How would you get in and out of bed, how would you change position, how would you stroke someone?
The living room is tastefully furnished. The big glass windows let a lot of light into the space and provide a beautiful view. I ask him if I can have a look around. The big buzzers on the wall that open the doors to the other rooms and the hospital bed tell that the apartment is specifically equipped for people that are in a wheelchair. The open shoe closet that fills up a whole wall in his bedroom exposes a pretty impressive collection of sneakers in all variations. I look at him and say with a twinkle in my eyes, “that’s a lot of shoes for someone that doesn’t walk.” We both have a laugh. “I worked for Nike”, he replies “and yes, I love sneakers.” He points to a pair of red and white Nike’s on the highest shelf. “Look at those ones up there. I still walked in them. I bought them just before the accident. That’s almost 20 years ago.” I feel a short but sharp pain in my heart. As much as I am trying to be all cool about the situation it is in those little moments when I feel touched by his story and all that he’s been through.
“So, where do we want to explore?” I ask him.
“For me the bed is the easiest”, he says and parks the wheelchair in a certain angle next to the bed. With the strength of his arms only, he lifts his body into the bed. I can see that he has his routine. But I can also see the effort he has to make for such a simple action. Another little pain in my heart. That I simply witness and recognise.
To my absolute surprise he manages to get himself into a crossed leg position.
With a distance that feels good for both of us we sit in front of each other. No physical touch yet. Only eyes meet. For a long time we explore each other’s presence just through the contact of our eyes. Slowly, I start touching his forearm with my fingertips. We keep eye contact. My fingers wander to his face, to his neck and the big scar. I caress it gently, with a lot of love and humility. We both feel like coming closer. With some creativity I manage to sit on him and to wrap my legs around him. He holds me tight. Just through the pressure off his arms and his hands. Our bodies are dancing to the sound of our breath.
While we keep the connection with our eyes, I start slowly taking off my shirt. Layer by layer until my breasts are exposed. He looks at them, pulls me a little closer to him, starts blowing my neck, my breasts. When he starts playing with my nipples in his mouth I hear myself moaning from pleasure. We keep breathing, we keep moving, we keep teasing, we keep exploring. Also some kinkiness. All of it with full presence. And beauty. So much beauty.
I am fascinated and impressed by the way he approaches his life…and my body ~ with full presence, comfort within the discomfort, ease within the unease, with acceptance of what is, creatively and playfully finding new ways…how to live and to love.
SEXploring is a state of mind.
And the only real limitations are within ourselves.
