For many years I’ve been witnessing closely what happens when only a few people have the power within an institution or a community of like minded people. Especially in sex positive spaces, it is absolutely crucial to have a trusted group of people around you that has the tools to mirror you when your shadows are playing out, that can call you out on your shit in a loving way, that will hold you accountable for your actions (or non actions). And even that trusted inner circle should remain open to get together in bigger circles with other inner circles for the purpose of being able to serve others with ethical and moral integrity.

When we look into how natural ecosystems work, we will realize how much smarter and more advanced the plant world is when it comes to relating. They are in constant communication about their needs through their refined and complex root structure that is not visible to our eyes. Plants understand naturally, that they need one another to survive and to reach their full potential. Some are growing high, others are growing low. Plants don’t judge each other for being higher or smaller. In fact, the higher plant can only grow that high because of the invisible support of the smaller growing plant. 

How can we cultivate more care within our human ecosystem? The first step is to become aware of the lack of care. The next one would be to start talking about it with the people around us – family, friends, colleagues, business partners etc. And then to start creating circles. Women and men circles have become more and more popular. At our community learning project, the kids circle as well as the monthly mother – and father circle is the ‘glue’ that holds everything together. We acknowledge that parenthood is one of the most challenging tasks in life. The famous proverb ‘it takes a village to raise a child’ recognises the importance of community and the power of circles. In the business world, circles are still foreign to most entrepreneurs. In our rationalized patriarchal Western society there has not been much space for emotions or inner processes. To me, raising and nurturing a successful business is in many ways equal to raising a child. It definitely also takes a whole community to create and maintain a business that cares more about the planet and people than profit, that holds you accountable for your working ethics and that makes sure that it serves the larger community in the best possible way.

My wish is to cultivate more care. Care for one and another, care for the spaces we hold and the spaces we visit, care for our wounds and traumas, care for the earth that we inhabit. 

Thanks to all the people that are part of my circles! Thank you for your care, your resiliency, your patience, your wisdom and your courage.

Not to be used:

Here at the Algarve, sex positive spaces have been sprouting out of the ground like mushrooms in Autumn. It makes me extremely happy to see that there is such a huge demand from people to break patterns of relating, to explore intimacy and sexuality in new ways, to play and to connect. And yet it lets my facilitator alarm bells ring when you see the lack of care in most of those spaces. The lack of care does not come from a careless place. It is rather a sign of deeply rooted wounds that have not been properly taken care of yet.