What comes up for you when you hear the word SEXplorer?
Be honest! Does it excite you and you got a pretty good idea of what I might be talking about? Or do you judge the shit out of me for doing things a good girl should not be doing? Or do you get jealous because your SEXplorer is frozen like a ‘diepvries kip’?
You know what ~ finally I am at a point in my life that it does not affect me anymore what other people might think or not think about me and my SEXplorer. Heavy Shamy is retired, yes he is! He is drinking fresh coconut water under a palm tree and dances naked with the wind, fucks the waves and has one full blown body orgasm after the other. God bless him!
The inner SEXplorer has been a big part of me from a very young age. But only recently I could actually name it, that part. And I called it the SEXplorer (I guess inventing new words is fine when the regular dictionary does not provide the vocabulary we are looking for, right?)
Wanna get to know this part? Let’s listen and hear what she has to say:
“Hey! I am Katjalisa’s SEXplorer. I absolutely love sexy adventures and I find it exciting to get Katjalisa out of her comfort zone. I dare to take risks, I want to be surprised and I enjoy to play ~ play with energies and play with fire…
I am fully connected to Katjalisa’s essence and tuned in with her intuition. Genital penetration with strangers is a no go. Not because I don’t enjoy penetration but because I want to explore and be explored without an end goal. And for most people, no matter what gender, genital penetration or having a peak orgasm is what wants to be achieved by the end of the ‘performance’. I am kinky and I look for the extremes. However, I want to explore super slowly. Like suuuuper slowly. That empowers me to feel what is alive inside Katjalisa (and the other) and to be aware of her boundaries (and the boundaries of the other).”
What would the SEXplorer do?
“I would walk around the canals of Amsterdam at night looking out for a cool house party, for example. There is a huge excitement that comes with walking into a place I have never been to, checking out all the people I have never met before.
I take my time. Get a drink. Find a comfortable place in the space that has a good overview. First I need to feel the energy. Picking up bits and pieces of conversations here and there. Breathing into my belly and having the feet firmly on the floor helps me to center and to ground myself. I am always nervous when I’m on a SEXploration. But it’s a nice nervousness. One that makes me feel alive in my body, curious in my mind and open in my heart. I don’t have a specific type I would look for. The contrary. I allow myself to be surprised every time again and again by the wonderful encounters that might arise with complete strangers that are absolutely not in my hunting category. It’s really more the energy of a person that I am attracted to than the labels that would define that person.
The SEXplorer has a few rules that Katjalisa needs to follow. We could call them
SLOWsexME Tips from the SEXplorer:
- When you see someone that catches your interest, find a creative way to get to talk to that person.
- Never ever engage in small talk.
- Ask provocative things in order to break the ice but don’t over do it. Watch out though, it’s a thin line between making someone curious about you and scaring someone away.
- Make real contact. That can be through a moment of intense eye gazing or sharing something vulnerable (that does not mean you have to pour your heart out to every stranger!)
- Listen to the body language of the other (and yourself), especially when you move into physical connection. That will help you to get a feeling for the boundaries. For example: does the body of the other person contract when you hug or slowly relax into the hug.
- Ask for consent. That can help to create a sense of safety. For example: you could openly ask, “do you want to share a long warm hug with me” or “I would really love to nibble on your earlobes (or gently kiss your neck/ stroke your face with my fingertips/ lay with my full body weight on you and breath together etc…) Does this idea excite you?”
- Find variations within the exploration. That creates trust and opportunities. For example: “The idea of you nibbling on my earlobes definitely excites me. But I first want you to slowly stroke my neck and the area around my earlobes gently with your fingertips. If my body says yes (meaning I like your touch and your smell), I would love you to also nibble on my earlobes. OR “I want to feel your full body weight on me but I want you to lay on my back first (it’s less intimate when the genitals are not exposed).”
- Share from the heart. Each of you takes a few minutes to share openly from the heart what is present and alive. That helps you to understand where you are both at in terms of insecurities, desires, boundaries etc. Especially, if you want to engage in a more intimate experience with someone, a heart sharing before and after the exploration is recommended.